I’m sometimes hesitant to talk about certain things. But what I’ve realized is that I express myself best through words. Getting it out of my head and on paper is what does it for me. And it’s not my job to protect other people’s feelings especially if it’s at the expense of my feelings (i.e. by not acknowledging, minimizing, and stuffing my own). It’s certain things that are hard to talk about, one because vulnerability is still an issue for me, and two the response I may get from particular people. But it is what it is, right?
What do you do with rejection? What do you do when you experience rejection from someone you love so much? What does “that” rejection say about you? Do you take it personal? I mean how can you not. Do you continue to try to be accepted and wanted after the rejection? Can you really make someone talk to you that doesn’t want to?
So, a disclaimer because I want to be as transparent as I can be. I am not a person without her own faults, insecurities, bad habits, or mistakes. I’m full of those things. I’m not a perfect person and I don’t pretend to be. I’m messy & unorganized at times, can be temperamental, definitely impatient more times than not, responds emotional sometimes, I can go from 0 to 100 REAL QUICK, plainly put I experience human emotions, and I sometimes don’t handle these human emotions in the best way. And let me also follow this up with some positives because regardless of your faults you still want to speak positivity into yourself. For all those things I may do wrong, I’m also loving, kind, big hearted, giving, empathic to almost a fault, supportive, resilient, friendly, big on family relationships and friendships. I really love hard.
Rejection is a big word to me and can be a painful one. This week it’s a painful word that causes me a mix of emotions that I’ve had to sort through. What do you do with rejection? You can either accept it, process how it makes you feel, learn from it, don’t let it define you or you can do all these things. There’s a significant relationship in my life that I am not able to engage in. Not because I don’t want to, not because I’m not willing but because that person doesn’t want the relationship with me. And baby this has been a hard pill to swallow for years now. I’m not going to lie, it’s very hard for me to accept that they don’t want to talk to me or don’t want a relationship with me. I’ve reached out multiple times, asked what I’ve done, offered to apologize for it so we can move forward with a relationship. But it’s declined every time and it’s always a different reason every time I ask what I’ve done or when they say why they don’t want a relationship. So, since it’s not clear TO ME and I always get a different answer, I feel like in all honesty there’s nothing that I’ve done, they simply don’t want a relationship with me. Like I said, I’m not perfect but I don’t think I’ve done anything to them. I’ve replayed different conversations, reread text messages, trying to imagine what I could have said or done and I’m not finding anything. And I get it, that doesn’t mean I haven’t done anything it just means they haven’t said what it is. But I can only go by what I know right?!
It's hard for me because I’ve always looked up to them, made sure I pushed in life because if they pushed through their hardships, barriers, and challenges there’s no reason I couldn’t push through mines. But this is the current situation. What does that rejection say about me? At first, I felt like it meant I was this bad and evil person. Any negatives have always stood out to me in the past and I would ruminate on those feelings and words and let it affect my self-esteem and how I viewed myself. This week I realized rejection says nothing about me. I can’t manage the other person’s feelings or thoughts of me as I truly don’t know what they are and until I do, this rejection is not a reflection of me. In the previous years and up until this week I took the rejection personal. I was constantly questioning my character, trying to figure out if I was a bad person, what horrible things I have done, why am I not likable to them, all types of things. And then it dawned on me, I’m owning feelings that aren’t mine to own. I’m carrying this rejection when I don’t need to carry it. They simply do not want a relationship with me and that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or that I’ve done bad things, nor should I take it personal at this moment. But I’m not go play with you, it’s hard as hell not to take it personal. Especially when there's layers to this rejection. It doesn't affect just me but my children too and relationships they're unable to have because of it.
Now where do I go from here?! I have tried many times to fix our relationship, but I don’t think I need to continue trying anymore. Rejection isn’t a good feeling and maybe it’s not supposed to be. But being rejected by someone you love is a totally different feeling than being rejected by a job, an opportunity, or a school. I feel that it’s okay for some people to continue trying after being rejected but for me, I think at this point I need to accept what is. Even though this is not what I want or what I ever could have imagined. Even though I long to have the relationship because I feel it’s necessary and there’s no reason we shouldn’t have it, I just need to accept what is. I need to accept that I alone can’t change this situation nor change their mind or how they see and feel about me. I can give it to God and if it’s meant for us to have that relationship He’ll make it so. I can’t make someone talk to me, I can’t make someone accept me into their life if that’s not what they want. Regardless of the type of relationship, we can’t make anyone want us who doesn’t want us.
So, be okay with rejection. Yes, it may feel like a loss, it may hurt, it may be discouraging, it may be confusing, and it may be challenging. But it doesn’t define you, it doesn’t change your heart, and don’t let it change who you are. Rejection is a part of life and we’ll continue to experience it. But don’t live in rejection because it’s not a place and it’s definitely not your destination or home.
Side Note: And now that I think about it, I may need to go ahead and read The Gift of Rejection by Nona Jones and let you guys know how it is. Though I don’t know if there’s a gift in this rejection because I only feel pain from it.
🫶