Hey ya’ll! What’s up? So, I had to get on here and tell y’all about my experience and realizations or light bulb moments. Whatever you want to call them. I went to Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts Power Moves Book Tour here in Chicago in April. It was absolutely amazing by the way. First, I must say, I can’t wait to delve into this book because based on the discussion today I’m sure I’m going to get all kinds of messages out it.
But anyway, at the start of the discussion about her book she asked us to ask ourselves “What has been filling your seat of power?”. Until today I have always thought of power in the positive sense right. Like I never attached anything negative to the word of power. Even with watching all the cartoons, superheroes and villain stories, and our government, I always felt power was a good thing. Even if people used their power for bad, the power itself wasn’t bad right, just their mindset. If that makes sense.
I immediately wrote my answer in my notes. I knew what my answer was the second she asked the question. I didn’t have to go into deep thought and dissect things out. I knew what it was. And I want to be super transparent and honest with you guys, my answer was that fear, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome are filling my seat of power right now. At this moment I realized a couple of things. One, that power isn’t always positive and that sometimes we forget that we can hold just as much negative power in us as positive. I’m really sure I knew this but today it just connected in a different way.
Secondly, I realize that this has been my theme for a few years. It’s been a theme that I thought I had worked my way out of. I didn’t realize until today how strong the power of fear, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome has really been in my life. Those feelings have been leading my decisions, my inaction and they have me stuck. And I really thought I was moving forward and growing. But what has really been happening is I’ve been stuck in a routine. I actually was writing a different blog post about feeling stuck and everything but scratched it because this was the answer to the other blog. The reason I have been feeling stuck, the reason I don’t’ feel creative, the reason I feel like there is a big ass block in my brain that I have been trying to figure out how to get past, the reason I’ve been so unsure about my career and where my life should be headed is because I have been operating out of fear, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome.
I know that I am a bad ass woman, clinician, friend, mother, sister, cousin, wife, and daughter. I know that there are so many things I want to do, need to do, accomplish, create and share with others and that I’m capable of doing all of that but at the same time I can’t identify why the spirit of fear and self-doubt is so heavy in my spirit and my mind and how did I not realize how heavy is was until that day. I really did not realize the power it had over me and why I have not moved and followed through with the many things that I want to do. I start and stop, get absent and then pop back up. That’s been my routine too.
Now what do I do with the realizations that I’ve had and becoming fully aware of what is in my way?
I am a strong believer in God and Jesus Christ. I have read many books and had so many self-talks and talks with others about me and what I feel and think and so on. What I believe, what I truly feel is the key to ME moving in my purpose, moving my feet in the right direction, and getting freaking unstuck is through strengthening my relationship with God, strengthening my prayer life, and being trusting and open enough to hear Him. I feel that MY growth has to be in MY relationship with God first and then will I be able to fully move out of the space that I’m in. This feels like it’s going to be a long process, but I don’t think so. I know I will do different things in the meantime as well to get out of this space. But I whole heartedly believe I have to have a better understanding of God, my relationship with Him, and seek Him in all things.
I’ve always been fearful about moving in the direction of Him. And that’s also been a barrier for me I think. I grew up in church and I’ve felt for years a strong pull the direction to serve but unsure of what that looks like for me. Even though I go to church I still have been limiting my relationship with Him due to my own fear. So that is what I will be working on!
I’ll keep y’all updated of course. Have a good rest of your week!
Comentários